These are some of the greatest and most popular jokes around the world:

 A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator:
"My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “
"Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: OK, now what?

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.  After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you" see.”“
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes
"”replies Watson.“"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute:  “"Well, 
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. But what does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment... 

Watson, you idiot!”he says.  “Someone has stolen our tent!

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C ... 


The Russians used a pencil.

 A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “
"That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “
"The driver just insulted me!

The man says: “
"You go right up there and tell him off –go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you

A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “
"it's no good trying to outrun it, its catching up."

The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied
"I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !"” 






























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