These are some of the greatest and most popular jokes around the world:
A
couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls
to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled
back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the
emergency services.
He gasps to the operator:
"My friend is
dead! What can I do?"”
The
operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “
"Just take it easy.
I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." ”
There
is a silence, then a shot is heard. The
guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: OK,
now what?“
Why
do ducks have webbed feet?
To
stamp out fires.
Why
do elephants have flat feet?
To
stamp out burning ducks
Sherlock
Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and
a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.Some
hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “"Watson,
look up at the sky and tell me what you" see.”“
"I
see millions and millions of stars, Holmes"”replies Watson.“"And
what do you deduce from that?"
”
Watson
ponders for a minute: “"Well, Astronomically,
it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions
of planets. Astrologically,
I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically,
I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically,
I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically,
I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant
part of the universe. But
what does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes
is silent for a moment...
“Watson,
you idiot!”he says. “Someone has
stolen our tent!”
When
NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat
the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to
develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater,
on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging
from below freezing to 300°C ...
The
Russians used a pencil.
A
woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “
"That's
the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"”
The woman
goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next
to
her: “
"The driver just insulted me!"”
The
man says: “
"You go right up there and tell him off –go
ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."”
A
scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist
made some quick calculations, he said “
"it's no good
trying to outrun it, its catching up." ”
The
philosopher kept a little ahead and replied
"I am not
trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !"”
Jokes
from http://www.tallrite.com/LightRelief/worldsbestjokes.htm
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